How to be a Low Testosterone Beta Male

This blog is about increasing your testosterone but I understand not everyone is interested.  Most men in the United States are totally satisfied with being unmotivated, overweight, and sex deprived.  If you have not yet joined this elite club of low-testosterone beta males, follow these extremely easy steps and you will have bitch tits in no time.  To help you achieve your low-testosterone goals, I have added a quick inaction step you can not take today to ensure your success.

1. Don’t watch your weight.  Your testosterone levels are inversely correlated with your waist size.  In fact, studies show that if you have low testosterone and are overweight, you can restore your testosterone levels back to normal levels simply by shedding some pounds.  Fat cells come with the added benefit of having estrogen receptors, which in turn help make you fatter AND suppress testosterone.  It’s a double whammy.

Inaction step: Tell yourself you’re not overweight even if you are.  Make a convenient excuse for your laziness.  Perhaps you are too tired to work out

2. Gorge on sweets and other carbs.  Sugar in your blood spikes up your insulin levels, and high insulin levels depress your testosterone.  In fact, just by drinking a glass of sugar-water (read: soft drink) you can decrease your testosterone by 25% (source).  Better yet, this effect lasts for several hours, so make sure to have sweets regularly throughout the day to prevent your testosterone from peaking its ugly head.

Inaction Step: Don’t limit yourself.  Got some leftover candy from Halloween?  If the answer is no you’re on the right track.  Also, don’t forget Coca Cola.  And don’t get Diet Coke; you earned Coca Cola Classic, big guy.

3. Don’t have sex.  This study demonstrated that having sex with that woman you share your bed with has the effect of undermining your low testosterone levels.

Inaction Step: Avoid doing anything out of the ordinary for your wife.  Just say hi, eat a quiet dinner, and go to sleep.  Try not to cuddle with your wife because that might lead to sex.  If you can, go to sleep at a different time so as to minimize the chance of intimacy (see #5).

4. Don’t exercise.  Studies show that exercise increases testosterone levels by as much as 32% in the short term, and consistent exercise increases testosterone in the long-term.

Inaction step: Avoid stairs.  Take the elevator.  If you can walk or bike somewhere, don’t.  Drive instead.  If you thought maybe you’d go to the gym today, think again.  Stay home and watch TV.  You’re tired.

5. Sleep less.  If you are getting your full 8 hours a night, you might want to rethink your strategy.  This study points out the little known but useful fact that cutting your sleep short will decrease your testosterone levels by 10-15%.

Inaction Step: Stay up late watching TV or youtube videos.  Watch Gangnam Style on repeat if you must, but keep your eyes open till at least 3:00.

6. Drink excessively.  Seriously, if you want to decrease your testosterone levels quickly, nothing will work better than beer.  Not only does alcohol negatively impact your testosterone levels, but beer also contains a ton of carbs as mentioned in #2.

Inaction Step: Grab a six-pack after work and get cracking.  Works best when combined with #5.

7. Expose yourself to as much stress as possible.  Stress releases a hormone called cortisol, and nothing is better than negating the effects of testosterone than cortisol.

Inaction Step: This one is tricky.  People stress more about their finances than anything else, so make sure your finances are not in order.  The secret here is to spend more than you make.

Easy Addon: Overwork yourself.  Avoid seeing your family.  Work late trying to impress your boss.

8. Don’t do anything remotely exhilarating or risky.  Hell, just do exactly what you did yesterday.  Throw carpe diem out the window.  God forbid you might fail if you take a chance.  Studies show that taking risks increases your testosterone, so don’t start that business you always wanted to.  If there is a chance it might excite you, avoid it at all costs.

Inaction Step: Inaction.

 

If you follow these 8 steps and you can still get and maintain an erection, then you’re doing something wrong. Try sleeping less and drinking more beer.

 

 

Did you know?
...that you can have the most up-to-the minute information on how to naturally increase your testosterone levels delivered to your mailbox?

Comments

  1. that pretty much sums up my life

Speak Your Mind

*

You might also likeclose